Only decide to prolong their walk once I am soaked, blown to blue buggery and pissed off
Only headbutt me when I have my tongue between my teeth
Only refuse to recall when I have an audience
Only return to me without recall only when in the posession of dead things and I have an audience
Only roll in shit/dead things when I have just washed their van crate bedding
Only try and fillet the next door neighbours cat when the next door neighbour is present
Only fart and stick their nose up the nearest bum when being admired by strangers
Only try and piss over the little dog when I am telling attending owner how good they are with "little dogs"
Only want an emergency poo at three in the morning
Only puke three in the morning
Only get me up to let them out three times for a pee when raining before they can decide they are desperate
Only cringe when caught out in front of an audience
Only want to go play when my program I have been waiting all week for is on
Only bark at the postman when I am getting changed and can't (won't) save him
Only give me kissess after consumption of shit/dead things
Only decide to chase the neighbourhood squirell when I am loaded down with shopping
Only act as if their puking/pooing is life threatening until we walk into the out of hours vet surgery
Only torment me
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